HEAVY NEWS

“Retarding Citizens Daily”

SUBPRIME FINANCIAL CRISIS EXPLAINED

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If you’re like most people wondering how the the current sub-prime market fiasco got out of hand, then you’re thinking too hard and should get back to spending money you don’t have on things you do not need. But for those of you who just can’t move on without a sound explanation, then watch this gem from the The Long Johns, two english bankers who keep it real.

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October 27, 2007 at 8:44 pm

MAN MOONS MORNING SHOW

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October 24, 2007 at 6:24 pm

BRITNEY SPEARS APPLIES FOR BARTENDING JOB (and no this is NOT a joke)

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It’s The Heavy Show, starring host Taryn Southern. This week, Taryn brings you all the dirt on …

Britney Spears’ potential gig as a bartender in Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica

The jewelry line that sued disturbed Britney Spears fan Chris Crocker (“Leave Britney Alone!”)

The latest gossip on Brangelina, including what off-Broadway show they attended recently

In the Celebritics segment, Sharon Osbourne talks about stem cell research, and talks down to Taryn.

Plus, see the trailer to Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie!

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October 12, 2007 at 2:49 pm

BEST SPORTS BROADCAST BLOOPER EVER!

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It’s time for News Channel 12’s Pat Murphy with sports, and the most hilariously inappropriate clip possible. The story: paralyzed Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett has regained feeling in his arms and legs. But the footage? Something else entirely different. Let’s go to weather!

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October 12, 2007 at 2:43 pm

KIM KARDASHIAN’S FAKE BUTT, DE LA HOYA IN FISHNETS, AND HILLARY CLINTON GOES STRAIGHT.

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THE HEAVY SHOW is at it again – breaking news on Kim Kardashian’s rumored fake buttocks; De La Hoya in drag, and is Hillary Clinton giving up her lesbian leanings in order to capture the straight girl vote?

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September 27, 2007 at 11:54 am

DON’T TASER ME BRO!

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It’s here! The all new Heavy Show with Taryn Southern (yes, the same girl who sang lesbian longings to Hillary Clinton). Taryn is our new entertainment girl and she’ll be reporting from Hollywood twice a week. Her first episode will not disappoint. Enjoy!

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September 21, 2007 at 10:41 pm

MATTEL RECALLS YET ANOTHER TOY!

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bumpemhumpemrobots


Poor Mattel. They’ve had a tough year. First there was the recall on the Barbie accessories, then the Big Big World 6-in-1 Bongo Band Toys, the Geo Trax Locomotive Toys, and now comes a recall of their new Bump ‘Em Hump ‘Em Robots. A Mattel spokesperson commented that they deeply regret any emotional harm caused by the production and marketing gaffe and promises to make a healthy donation to the Parents Against Same Sex Robot Relations and the Committee to Re-Elect Anyone Who Hates Gays.

Written by heavynews

September 7, 2007 at 7:17 pm