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Archive for the ‘Daily Headlines’ Category

MIKE HUCKABEE AND CHUCK NORRIS ARE COMING TO SAVE THE MOTHERF*CKING DAY, YEAH!

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This commercial for Republican Presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, proves that Mike Judge’s 2006 film, “Idiocracy”, was not a futuristic satire, but a documentary from the future. How did the Republican Party fall this far from the tree? We can’t wait for the democratic response – my money is on Hillary doing “Dick in a Box” with Justin Timberlake while gloating that her Johnson is firm on foreign policy.

Written by heavynews

November 21, 2007 at 8:04 pm

BRITNEY SPEARS APPLIES FOR BARTENDING JOB (and no this is NOT a joke)

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It’s The Heavy Show, starring host Taryn Southern. This week, Taryn brings you all the dirt on …

Britney Spears’ potential gig as a bartender in Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica

The jewelry line that sued disturbed Britney Spears fan Chris Crocker (“Leave Britney Alone!”)

The latest gossip on Brangelina, including what off-Broadway show they attended recently

In the Celebritics segment, Sharon Osbourne talks about stem cell research, and talks down to Taryn.

Plus, see the trailer to Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie!

Written by heavynews

October 12, 2007 at 2:49 pm

MATTEL RECALLS YET ANOTHER TOY!

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bumpemhumpemrobots


Poor Mattel. They’ve had a tough year. First there was the recall on the Barbie accessories, then the Big Big World 6-in-1 Bongo Band Toys, the Geo Trax Locomotive Toys, and now comes a recall of their new Bump ‘Em Hump ‘Em Robots. A Mattel spokesperson commented that they deeply regret any emotional harm caused by the production and marketing gaffe and promises to make a healthy donation to the Parents Against Same Sex Robot Relations and the Committee to Re-Elect Anyone Who Hates Gays.

Written by heavynews

September 7, 2007 at 7:17 pm

NEWS YOU CAN DANCE TO!

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Written by heavynews

September 5, 2007 at 7:37 pm

ANOTHER NEWS ANCHOR BITES THE DUST!

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The governments program to “leave no newscaster behind” is clearly not working. This reporter needs some hooked on phonics and fast!

Written by heavynews

April 2, 2007 at 5:57 pm

NEWS FOR NERDS!

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This one goes out to all you 1337’s out there. It’s News For Nerds. If you’re a nerd and have trouble understanding the ramifications of the Birtish hostage crisis, then let World of Warcraft explain it to you in a language you can understand. Enjoy – and please, no death threats.

Written by heavynews

March 30, 2007 at 10:23 pm

PRINCE FALLS ON HIS HARRY ASS!

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Written by heavynews

March 27, 2007 at 3:57 am