HEAVY NEWS

“Retarding Citizens Daily”

Archive for the ‘Celebrity News’ Category

TOM CRUISE SCIENTOLOGY VIDEO!

with one comment

[heavy video=0c5ca65e38fe4832affe183327433637&host=www.heavy.com&w=512&h=512]

Tom Cruise just amped crazy up to 11. I just Thetan’d up in my mouth a little.

Advertisements

Written by heavynews

January 16, 2008 at 12:04 am

HAYDEN PANETTIERE ON DRUGS

leave a comment »

[heavy video=570cc118032031bd1fc97cc13baa354c&host=www.heavy.com&w=512&h=512]

Hayden Panettiere is an Italian-American actress, singer, and Grammy Award nominee. She is best known for her role as Claire Bennett in “Heroes”, and also had memorable roles in “Ally McBeal”, “One Life to Live” and “Guiding Light.” She’s also slated to release her debut solo album in December 2007. In this faux interview segment, The Heavy Show host Taryn Southern talks with Hayden Panettiere about drugs, and whether heroes use them, especially for 6 months straight.

Written by heavynews

January 11, 2008 at 9:11 pm

POLITICAL CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR!

leave a comment »

[heavy video=7d4f8c7dca45ff01b67d068d5bf26b98&host=www.heavy.com&w=512&h=512]

The candidates were asked to make change at the last democratic debate. Sadly, Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton had none. If I had 4 quarters for a dollar, I would totally make change for this hot reporter!

Written by heavynews

January 11, 2008 at 6:55 pm

KELLY PICKLER SHOWS THE WORLD THAT SHE IS “MORE DUMBER” THAN MISS SOUTH CAROLINA.

leave a comment »

And best of all, she gets to vote! And what’s even scarier is that there are more people like Kelly Pickler and Miss South Carolina than there are of you and your erudite buddies. If you thought there was no chance in hell that Mike Huckabee could be the next President of the United States, guess again. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again ; the movie “Idiocracy” is not a fictional satire, it is a crystal ball.

Written by heavynews

November 30, 2007 at 7:35 pm

MIKE HUCKABEE AND CHUCK NORRIS ARE COMING TO SAVE THE MOTHERF*CKING DAY, YEAH!

leave a comment »

[YOUTUBE=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjYv2YW6azE]

This commercial for Republican Presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, proves that Mike Judge’s 2006 film, “Idiocracy”, was not a futuristic satire, but a documentary from the future. How did the Republican Party fall this far from the tree? We can’t wait for the democratic response – my money is on Hillary doing “Dick in a Box” with Justin Timberlake while gloating that her Johnson is firm on foreign policy.

Written by heavynews

November 21, 2007 at 8:04 pm

BRITNEY SPEARS APPLIES FOR BARTENDING JOB (and no this is NOT a joke)

leave a comment »

[heavy video=dd42cba2a31fcabea3b84d0f484a1ccb&host=www.heavy.com&w=512&h=512]

It’s The Heavy Show, starring host Taryn Southern. This week, Taryn brings you all the dirt on …

Britney Spears’ potential gig as a bartender in Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica

The jewelry line that sued disturbed Britney Spears fan Chris Crocker (“Leave Britney Alone!”)

The latest gossip on Brangelina, including what off-Broadway show they attended recently

In the Celebritics segment, Sharon Osbourne talks about stem cell research, and talks down to Taryn.

Plus, see the trailer to Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie!

Written by heavynews

October 12, 2007 at 2:49 pm

KIM KARDASHIAN’S FAKE BUTT, DE LA HOYA IN FISHNETS, AND HILLARY CLINTON GOES STRAIGHT.

leave a comment »

[heavy video=1efd0849ce4caff9dd3d4f0f88775047&host=www.heavy.com&w=512&h=512]
THE HEAVY SHOW is at it again – breaking news on Kim Kardashian’s rumored fake buttocks; De La Hoya in drag, and is Hillary Clinton giving up her lesbian leanings in order to capture the straight girl vote?

Written by heavynews

September 27, 2007 at 11:54 am