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“Retarding Citizens Daily”

THINKING CAUSES CANCER! A KENSINGTON REPORT EXCLUSIVE.

with 6 comments

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New research links thinking with cancer. The Kensington Report reports that government officials are urging citizens to stop thinking as a safeguard until more research, or a cure is available. Officials said they may institute even stronger “no thinking” policy soon. In related news, stocks for Hollywood entertainment conglomerates went up as traders saw the future demand for movies that cause no thought whatsoever to be extremely valuable in this new health scare environment.

Other Kensington Report reports:

MINDJACKING: TEEN TREND ALERT. Teens Using Computers To Control People’s Brains.
Racism Caused By Cheese.

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Written by heavynews

March 22, 2007 at 7:25 pm

6 Responses

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  1. […] Thinking Causes Cancer! MINDJACKING: TEEN TREND ALERT. Teens Using Computers To Control People’s Brains. […]

  2. […] Thinking Causes Cancer! Racism Caused By Cheese. […]

  3. Phew! You have no idea how relieved I am to know our commander in chief has zero risk of contracting cancer.

    Great blog, thanks for the laughs.

    honjii

    April 8, 2007 at 12:02 am

  4. […] Thinkers Beware April 8, 2007 at 7:12 am | In Atheism, political, humor | Thinking Causes Cancer […]

  5. Thanks, Honjii – appreciate the feedback.

    heavynews

    April 8, 2007 at 12:15 am

  6. thank you so much for the kensington report and especially the news about the risk of cancer through thinking! it is very good to know that there is someone out there telling us about these things! i will never listen to another minute of “democracy now”, i guess i might have well had my head stuck in an x-ray machine for an hour! i just hope it is not to late…
    keep up the good work,
    your new dedicated kensington fan
    angelica
    http://dysfunctionalhousewives.com

    angelica

    April 8, 2007 at 3:16 am


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