HEAVY NEWS

BUG IN MOUTH FREAKS OUT REPORTER!

heavynews — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:20:37 +0000

This guys is amazing. He starts off in his homogenized tv news guy voice until a bug flies into his mouth and he loses it. Hysterical.

TOM CRUISE SCIENTOLOGY VIDEO!

heavynews — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:04:15 +0000

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Tom Cruise just amped crazy up to 11. I just Thetan’d up in my mouth a little.

HAYDEN PANETTIERE ON DRUGS

heavynews — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:11:01 +0000

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Hayden Panettiere is an Italian-American actress, singer, and Grammy Award nominee. She is best known for her role as Claire Bennett in “Heroes”, and also had memorable roles in “Ally McBeal”, “One Life to Live” and “Guiding Light.” She’s also slated to release her debut solo album in December 2007. In this faux interview segment, The Heavy Show host Taryn Southern talks with Hayden Panettiere about drugs, and whether heroes use them, especially for 6 months straight.

POLITICAL CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR!

heavynews — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 18:55:16 +0000

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The candidates were asked to make change at the last democratic debate. Sadly, Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton had none. If I had 4 quarters for a dollar, I would totally make change for this hot reporter!

KELLY PICKLER SHOWS THE WORLD THAT SHE IS “MORE DUMBER” THAN MISS SOUTH CAROLINA.

heavynews — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 19:35:10 +0000

And best of all, she gets to vote! And what’s even scarier is that there are more people like Kelly Pickler and Miss South Carolina than there are of you and your erudite buddies. If you thought there was no chance in hell that Mike Huckabee could be the next President of the United States, guess again. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again ; the movie “Idiocracy” is not a fictional satire, it is a crystal ball.

MIKE HUCKABEE AND CHUCK NORRIS ARE COMING TO SAVE THE MOTHERF*CKING DAY, YEAH!

heavynews — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:04:21 +0000

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This commercial for Republican Presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, proves that Mike Judge’s 2006 film, “Idiocracy”, was not a futuristic satire, but a documentary from the future. How did the Republican Party fall this far from the tree? We can’t wait for the democratic response – my money is on Hillary doing “Dick in a Box” with Justin Timberlake while gloating that her Johnson is firm on foreign policy.

WEDGIE-PROOF UNDERWEAR BEST INVENTION EVER!

heavynews — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 21:45:53 +0000

Nine-year old inventors created the invention of the century, solving neither-region problems for wedgie recipients everywhere. Fox News broke the story – take that CNN!

SUBPRIME FINANCIAL CRISIS EXPLAINED

heavynews — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 20:44:09 +0000

If you’re like most people wondering how the the current sub-prime market fiasco got out of hand, then you’re thinking too hard and should get back to spending money you don’t have on things you do not need. But for those of you who just can’t move on without a sound explanation, then watch this gem from the The Long Johns, two english bankers who keep it real.

MAN MOONS MORNING SHOW

heavynews — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:24:55 +0000

BRITNEY SPEARS APPLIES FOR BARTENDING JOB (and no this is NOT a joke)

heavynews — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 14:49:13 +0000

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It’s The Heavy Show, starring host Taryn Southern. This week, Taryn brings you all the dirt on …

Britney Spears’ potential gig as a bartender in Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica

The jewelry line that sued disturbed Britney Spears fan Chris Crocker (“Leave Britney Alone!”)

The latest gossip on Brangelina, including what off-Broadway show they attended recently

In the Celebritics segment, Sharon Osbourne talks about stem cell research, and talks down to Taryn.

Plus, see the trailer to Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie!