Archive for the ‘Daily Headlines’ Category
MIKE HUCKABEE AND CHUCK NORRIS ARE COMING TO SAVE THE MOTHERF*CKING DAY, YEAH!
This commercial for Republican Presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, proves that Mike Judge’s 2006 film, “Idiocracy”, was not a futuristic satire, but a documentary from the future. How did the Republican Party fall this far from the tree? We can’t wait for the democratic response – my money is on Hillary doing “Dick in a Box” with Justin Timberlake while gloating that her Johnson is firm on foreign policy.
BRITNEY SPEARS APPLIES FOR BARTENDING JOB (and no this is NOT a joke)
It’s The Heavy Show, starring host Taryn Southern. This week, Taryn brings you all the dirt on …
Britney Spears’ potential gig as a bartender in Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica
The jewelry line that sued disturbed Britney Spears fan Chris Crocker (“Leave Britney Alone!”)
The latest gossip on Brangelina, including what off-Broadway show they attended recently
In the Celebritics segment, Sharon Osbourne talks about stem cell research, and talks down to Taryn.
Plus, see the trailer to Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie!
MATTEL RECALLS YET ANOTHER TOY!
Poor Mattel. They’ve had a tough year. First there was the recall on the Barbie accessories, then the Big Big World 6-in-1 Bongo Band Toys, the Geo Trax Locomotive Toys, and now comes a recall of their new Bump ‘Em Hump ‘Em Robots. A Mattel spokesperson commented that they deeply regret any emotional harm caused by the production and marketing gaffe and promises to make a healthy donation to the Parents Against Same Sex Robot Relations and the Committee to Re-Elect Anyone Who Hates Gays.
NEWS YOU CAN DANCE TO!
ANOTHER NEWS ANCHOR BITES THE DUST!
The governments program to “leave no newscaster behind” is clearly not working. This reporter needs some hooked on phonics and fast!
NEWS FOR NERDS!
This one goes out to all you 1337’s out there. It’s News For Nerds. If you’re a nerd and have trouble understanding the ramifications of the Birtish hostage crisis, then let World of Warcraft explain it to you in a language you can understand. Enjoy – and please, no death threats.
PRINCE FALLS ON HIS HARRY ASS!
PUPPY CIAO!
The government is warning pet owners to stop feeding their pets. Sixty-million cans of pet food have been taken off the shelves. It’s raining death on cats and dogs!
THE FATTEST SEVEN YEAR-OLD EVER – AND MORE DAILY HEADLINES!
WILL FERRELL TOTALLY HIT ON ME!
I interviewed Will Ferrell for his new movie, “BLADES OF GLORY” and he totally could not resist my manity (not to be confused with manatee, which I totally do not own). Watch my interview and catch the sexy vibe Will was throwing my way.
