HEAVY NEWS

This guys is amazing. He starts off in his homogenized tv news guy voice until a bug flies into his mouth and he loses it. Hysterical.

The candidates were asked to make change at the last democratic debate. Sadly, Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton had none. If I had 4 quarters for a dollar, I would totally make change for this hot reporter!

Nine-year old inventors created the invention of the century, solving neither-region problems for wedgie recipients everywhere. Fox News broke the story – take that CNN!

It’s time for News Channel 12’s Pat Murphy with sports, and the most hilariously inappropriate clip possible. The story: paralyzed Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett has regained feeling in his arms and legs. But the footage? Something else entirely different. Let’s go to weather!

It’s here! The all new Heavy Show with Taryn Southern (yes, the same girl who sang lesbian longings to Hillary Clinton). Taryn is our new entertainment girl and she’ll be reporting from Hollywood twice a week. Her first episode will not disappoint. Enjoy!

News “anchor” girl, Merry Miller botches this interview with actress Holly Hunter so severely it really makes you wonder if Brian “boom goes the dynamite” Collins is sitting at home thanking the internet Gods that someone else has finally been crowned “the worst news anchor-person in history as recorded for all time on the interwebs”.

The funniest tidbit is that ABC is trying to shill this little disaster as a positive. I have to be honest, I so love that they’re trying to spin this into online gold. It proves that some people can actually make lemons out of lemonade (think about it).

You always wondered what happened to all that confiscated marijuana didn’t ya? Well, now you know.