AL-QAEDA TEEN HUNGER FORCE STRIKES AGAIN!
BREAKING NEWS: Al-Qaeda continues to use pop-culture as a weapon of mass destruction.
HEAVY NEWS
“Retarding Citizens Daily”
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Here's What's Newsier!
BREAKING NEWS!
- BUG IN MOUTH FREAKS OUT REPORTER!
- TOM CRUISE SCIENTOLOGY VIDEO!
- HAYDEN PANETTIERE ON DRUGS
- POLITICAL CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR!
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- WOMAN DIALS 911 TO MAKE SEXY-TIME WITH POLICE. HUNKY COPS PROMPTLY ARREST WOMAN FOR ABUSING 911, AND THROW HER IN JAIL WHERE SHE MAKES SEXY-TIME WITH SAME-SEX BUNK-MATE.
- LET THE SUMMER OF SUCK BEGIN!
- WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME OUR NEW CORRESPONDENT, MELANIE MORALES.
